How Tyler, the Creator’s “IGOR” Helped Me Finish High School
My senior year of high school was challenging in ways I couldn’t have predicted. I had been admitted into the songwriting and production program at New York University (my first choice of college, early decision), but I couldn’t fully enjoy this accomplishment, or look forward to the future, because of something that had happened in my past.
The year before, I had become romantically involved with a friend who had a troubled family life, and relied on me a little bit too heavily for emotional support. It became overwhelming and I began to pull away, and that’s when they retaliated by spreading appalling rumors about our history together, accusing me of horrific things. The rumors caught fire, and while I struggled to clear my name people believed the worst— close friends turned against me, and I found myself alone.
When senior year rolled around, I thought things would blow over, but the effect the rumors had on my friendships seemed to linger. It always felt like I was walking on eggshells around people, and I was consumed by the fear that everyone thought I was a terrible person. It became difficult to face anyone at all, and it was a challenge just to get through the school day. When I felt like I had no one else to turn to, and everyone who previously filled that role had drifted away from me, I resorted to music.
My current music taste formed in 2017, 2 years earlier, when artists like BROCKHAMPTON, SZA, Vince Staples, and Tyler, the Creator entered my rotation. Tyler’s was a name I had always heard of, ever since my short-lived days of shopping for streetwear on North Fairfax Avenue. I had seen the storefront for the clothing line associated with Tyler’s former rap collective Odd Future, but decided that since I didn’t smoke weed or skateboard that those clothes, and by proxy his music, weren’t for me. Years later, during a summer program at Brown University, I had a change of heart. I fell in love with Tyler’s album Flower Boy the second I heard it. The album would cement Tyler’s place as one of my favorite artists, and I admired him for how in tune with his emotions he was throughout it. My newfound love for music production, which brought me to Brown in the first place, also gave me a deeper appreciation for the gorgeous instrumental arrangements Tyler crafted. I would even jokingly call myself “Mr. Lonely” after the tenth track from that album, something I did playfully with a pinch of self-deprecation, but mostly out of pure love for the song. Little did I know that as the years went on the nickname I pinned on myself would become more accurate than ironic.
As I inched towards graduation, a godsend appeared that would make my struggle all worth it. It took the form of an Instagram post on May 1st, 2019, announcing that Tyler had new music on the horizon. Not only that, but his upcoming album IGOR was slated to be released on my last full day of classes, and two days after my pivotal 18th birthday. This new light at the end of the tunnel that was my high school experience now glowed brighter than my graduation, summer break, and starting college combined. When my last day of classes finally came, I left school utterly scatterbrained. Most people have bittersweet feelings about leaving high school behind, but mine were more bitter than sweet, and I took all of that angst into my room as I rushed to close the door, leaving a shoddily-made “Do Not Disturb" sign on the knob. After I reached for my best pair of headphones, I read a preface that Tyler had posted to Instagram, strongly suggesting that listeners go into the album with no expectations based on his past work and that the album should be played front to back with no skips or interruptions. The album hadn’t even started and Tyler’s words were already deeply resonating with me. After more than a year of feeling unfairly judged for my past (that didn’t even align with reality), I was able to connect with Tyler’s sentiment of being misunderstood, something that’s been present throughout his career. His proposed approach would inspire me to apply it to new music and people I would come across from that point onward. Later in the preface, he wrote, “Some go on walks, some drive, some lay in bed and sponge it all up”, and as someone who fell into the third category, I dimmed the lights, wrapped myself up in a blanket from Tyler’s “Golf” fashion brand, and readied myself to be highly absorbent.
The first listen of the album was magical. Sonically, it paralleled the turbulent year I had undergone. Tyler had abandoned the lush and calculated stylings of Flower Boy for messy and blown-out song mixes, cartoonish vocal effects, and a worldly plethora of nostalgic samples. He championed his newfound sound through an alter ego by the name of “Igor,” who sported a bright blonde bowl-cut wig and pitch-black shades. As the three-act story of the album unfolded before my closed eyes, I found myself relating to the struggles Igor was enduring. This particularly affected how the album made me rethink my time with my ex; From the beginning, Igor can already see issues with his budding relationship but still strives to be in love on “I THINK”. I also initially overlooked the red flags in my own relationship and tried to make things work. Both Igor and I ignored our feelings of dread out of desperation for affection. I reflected on my ex’s unhealthy codependency when Igor described his own obsession with his love interest in “A BOY IS A GUN*”, saying in the bridge of the song “You’re a gun ‘cause I like you on my side at all times, you keep me safe”. I realized how subservient to my former partner I had been when I heard the refrain of “PUPPET”, in which Igor ominously croons, “I’m your puppet, you control me / I’m your puppet, I don’t know me”. Looking back, I thought I was being helpful, but I realized I was not the help they needed— and was inadvertently making things worse.
In the final act of the album, Igor attempts to figure out how to move forward, something I wasn’t able to do before hearing him work through it. On “I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE”, Igor begins to ponder “movin’ on, but how?” and wonders if he’ll be stuck “forever, and ever, and ever”. The last leg of the album was the missing piece of the puzzle I needed to fully cope with these feelings. I had to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could do to change what happened in the past, and the rumors that were spread about it. What was in my control was how I would carry it with me through the rest of my life. I would have to mature alongside this narrative, and learn what I could from it rather than beat myself up about what I could have done differently. In doing this, the trauma of the false accusations would be like an estranged roommate; I’d be able to compose myself if it entered my space again, but not let it weigh me down or prevent me from living my life. Igor’s story ultimately concludes with him relapsing and being ambivalent about moving on. What resonated with me, however, was that he took matters into his own hands, and was not blinded by pure hatred for the other parties involved, as expressed on tracks like “THANK YOU”. I nearly cried when the album finished with a wretched yet triumphant scream from Igor on the album’s closing track “ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?”, a cataclysmic climax to a story with a high psychological amplitude.
Not only did IGOR help me mature emotionally, but it also inspired me to make great bounds in my music creation, serving as the framework for my current style of music production. The album does not restrict itself in terms of genre, and Tyler alludes to this in his preface, warning listeners not to listen to the album if they’re expecting a “rap album”. My production experience up until this point was mostly in the realm of short and simple trap/hip-hop loops, but this album expanded my horizons by using global rhythms, fuzzy samples, jazzy chord progressions, and varying song structures. Even though the album was not meant to be perceived as a hip-hop album, IGOR pays homage to the genre and many of its staples. Drum breaks rich with vinyl grain are looped and manipulated on tracks like “WHAT’S GOOD” and “IGOR’S THEME”, and ‘70s soul samples are repurposed on “A BOY IS A GUN*” and “ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?”. Using samples was something I had always been fond of in music, but this album recontextualized the art of using samples to enhance nostalgia and show cross-cultural influence. Additionally, many songs on the album are slightly detuned, meaning that they are in between what we know as consonant musical keys, which adds a coat of timbral distinction that sets it apart from its contemporaries. These techniques are ones that I would begin to adopt in my own work, and the difference between my older and newer instrumental beats has become night and day.
IGOR’s impact on me obfuscates how I perceive it as a work of art. Initially, I couldn't tease out my own experiences from its narrative. Even now, I still listen to the album with those feelings of frustration and melancholy in the back of my mind. IGOR became a friend to me when I felt really alone. The aspects of high school I was living through at the time, including falling in and out of love, preparing for graduation, and even getting ready for my first prom, were all tropes that have been explored ad nauseam in various mediums. While this includes the stereotypical “Breakup Album”, which IGOR could be described as at face value, Tyler's fresh take on these subjects and palpable vulnerability make this record shine. It even comes through in the sound of Tyler’s voice: He may not be the most technically proficient or classically trained singer, but he deliberately chose to use his own voice to narrate his emotional journey because it was so personal to him.
Tyler’s creative voice, literally and figuratively, has greatly inspired me in many ways. Going back and seeing his artistic and emotional maturation over the course of his career has greatly impacted my own journey through life. While I was mulling over the transition away from high school and my hometown of California, Tyler assured me that as long as I kept my sense of self intact, I was able to get through anything. I’ve professed my love for IGOR to the world on many occasions, including the Instagram post of my graduation, cheesily captioned “GONE, GONE / THANK YOU”, and shows me donning a pink button-down shirt and silver tie to the occasion, inspired by IGOR’s album cover. That song, like the rest of the album, had many underlying themes that, due to my unique circumstances, encapsulated my high school experience perfectly. I felt like I had a connection to this album that no one else can or will ever have. The right body of work invites the perceiver to peer into the soul and life of the artist, while leaving its meaning open to interpretation. While everyone can appreciate IGOR as a great album, it will forever hold a special place in my heart for how it served as my compass as my senior year of high school came to a close.
